A trusted friend and colleague (and incredible coach) asked me these beautiful questions at the start of the year– who am I now? and what’s my unique offering as a coach?
The right question at the right time is gold. This precipitated an opportunity to pause, reflect and reset.
I wanted to share with you what I discovered by re-introducing myself and a wonderful new and much needed coaching program for senior women.
Hello, my name is Nicola Vague. I am a leadership coach, meditation teacher and art therapist. As a leader of leaders, my personal mission is heralding new ways of being and leading to transform outdated systems and ways of operating, creating a future where people and communities can flourish.
Eighteen years ago, in my mid-thirties, I experienced what I now understand to be an existential crisis. I was constantly stressed, short fused and unable to connect with the joy that was all around me. I was surviving but not flourishing; I knew that something needed to change. I made a promise to myself to stop focusing on the ‘shoulds’, to quieten the mental chatter and to follow my heart (I didn’t even know what that meant at the time). This commitment to move a little more towards myself was a turning point.
So began twenty years of personal exploration, evolution and development as a leadership coach, alongside extensive corporate experience in organisational development and change. What I now know, which serves as the foundation of my leadership work, is that to improve the quality of our decisions and actions, we must carve out space and cultivate the conditions that enable us to come into a more conscious relationship with ourselves. I don’t teach something that I have just read about; I teach what I have come to make sense of through my own evolution. This gives the learning I offer to leaders both depth and simplicity.
In 2014, I founded Evolving Leaders (www.evolvingleaders.com.au) with the purpose of evolving the consciousness of leaders to make the world a better place. My focus has been on leadership, change and wellbeing. Partnering with longer term clients on their leadership transformation journey supported by wonderful collaborative relationships is rich and rewarding.
I have been offering individual leadership coaching for over a decade now, mostly as part of leadership 360 assessments and broader organisational leadership development programs. I love this work. It is an honour and a privilege – especially supporting those leaders who are ready to embrace the opportunity of 1:1 leadership coaching.
Whilst I continue to offer this work and supporting clients on their leadership transformation path, what has also emerged is a new 1:1 coaching offering for women where I can explicitly bring the unique combination of skills, experiences and approaches that has radically shaped my own personal and professional development and wellbeing to supporting senior women.
Why women you ask?
In the words of Desmond Tutu “Once you have women liberated, it’s amazing how many other problems get resolved – poverty, education, health. Women are the key in any community.”.
Newly released evidence from an Australian wellbeing study – The Gender Wellbeing GAP (Global Leadership Wellbeing Survey – GLWS) shows that the overall wellbeing of women in senior roles is low and that this gap is increasing. This may not be surprising but it is alarming and requires attention. Women are the primary nurturers in our society, raising children, forging careers and managing many relationships and connections. This coaching program is about nurturing the nurturers, women who are juggling multiple commitments and competing demands, often at the expense of themselves.
In addition to navigating my career and personal evolution, I have the privilege of being a mother to three young woman, an aunty and friend to many, a sister, a wife, a daughter. Now in my fifties, I have navigated work and family through its many phases and continue to do so. I have been fortunate enough to have had the support of many therapists, healers and coaches. It is my turn to offer this to other women and to make a contribution to improving wellbeing for these women.
So I am delighted to be opening up limited places for senior women as part of Cultivating Well – 1:1 Leadership Coaching for Women.
Delivered via over a five month period, the purpose of the program is helping participants to slow down and reconnect with themselves beyond the noise of the external world, opening to new possibilities, improving wellbeing and creating a changed reality.
The Invitation
A place to pause, reflect and reset.
A place where your fears and dreams are safely shared and nurtured.
A place to become comfortable with not knowing.
A place where you will be supported.
A place where your true nature can emerge.
A place to turn a little more lovingly toward yourself.
A place where possibility becomes infinite.
The six-session coaching program is focused on:
- Guiding participants beyond the noise to hear their own wisdom through accessing the vast well of resources within them
- Providing a held space so that they can find thier centre and bring attention to their own well-being; and
- Cultivating the conditions, practices and habits to lead well!
Senior women might self-nominate or be recommended for this experience as part of broader leadership development, wellbeing, or talent management initiatives.
I look forward to asking you the right question. Read on for full program overview.
Not interested in this new coaching program? You may be interested to explore our Leading Change Development Program and other Coaching and Team Development services.
This post highlights the importance of space and time to reflect away from the ‘noise’ of life to refocus on what matters so that we can see different perspectives, shift energy and beliefs that are stagnant and move forward with a clear and healthy intention that can restore connection.
This week I am working remotely from Bright in north-east Victoria. It’s become the space that I take to regroup, reflect and refocus a few times a year. I never really know what is going to surface at these times but have learned to just create space and get out of my own way. What surfaced on day one this week took me a little by surprise.
But first – a little of the back story so it makes sense.
A month ago my eldest daughter (age 19) announced that she was heading overseas on a solo adventure for seven – s-e-v-e-n – months to Japan and South East Asia then finishing in India and Nepal. I have witnessed Amelia working three jobs to save the funds for her adventure along with the clarity and conviction in her decision to defer from her second year of university. I have also known for some months that the trip was coming. But her intention had been to travel with a friend – the whole ‘travelling alone’ thing was new. And it really sent me into a spin. In fact, I went into a whole fear-based reaction that left me with nightmares about abduction in Japan. I had broken sleep, waking up asking myself ‘Is this really happening, or did I dream it?’ I was generally motionless and speechless for a day or two as I tried to process the news.
From Fear to Courage
Over the days that followed, I started to move beyond my own fear-based reaction. I was able to step a little more off the dancefloor and up to the balcony and a broader perspective. I was then able to see and be present with the extraordinary courage of this amazing young woman. Here I was a short jog away from 50 and I have never done anything as seemingly courageous as this. My broader perspective helped me to re-frame a number of beliefs and stories that were much more useful:
- If anyone’s got what this takes, she does. She’s street smart, savvy and quick to think and act when she needs to.
- She always attracts amazing people into her life. She knows how to have fun and have deep honest conversations and connection with people so interesting people are always drawn to her.
- From the moment she was born, she has always been well and truly looking out into this wondrous world – this is just who she is. She has work to do in the world and this is the natural next step – into the world.
- If life is not a daring adventure – then what is it?
- She’s ready to step away from home – and if we’re honest with ourselves, we’re ready for her to take that step away from home too. (We’re a bit over being treated like a hotel and in many ways, this is payback time – as I recall doing exactly the same with my mum.)
Secretly (or perhaps not so secretly now) there is also a part of me that would love to head out into the world just as she is, into an adventure into the unknown…
Roll forward to yesterday – day one in this next week of space in Bright.
I had been feeling something was stuck energetically in me all day long and I was getting frustrated because I should be working/ writing/ planning/ thinking … doing something! Then inspiration struck me. What was needed was a walk by the river with the dog, revealing in the present moment through the dog’s pure joy as she chased the ducks (no hope of catching them) and fetched sticks along the Ovens River.
Perhaps you have had a similar experience too? Trying so hard to ‘do’ and needing to make a decision just to ‘be’? I surprise myself at how often I fall into this same trap.
The Realisation
As I sat on the riverside listening to the birds and watching the water flowing over the rocks, I was struck by something in relation to my daughter. It was time to make a choice – a choice to let go. I hadn’t explicitly been thinking about her travel that day but clearly it was right there not too far from the surface, waiting to be revealed when I finally found the space to reflect.
‘“To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion – things come and go on their own’
Jack Kornfield
Emotion rose and tears rolled down my cheeks as this energy that had been ‘stuck’ started to move through me – the realisation that that I had been emotionally holding on to my ‘baby girl’ for too long now.
I spent the next hours journaling and reflecting on what it meant as a mother to ‘let go’ with compassion and to ‘let be’. I also called on Google for some parenting advice and came across the following statement: ‘The most productive relationship for adult children is for them taking primary responsibility for their lives and parents acting as their consultants’. Okay. Yep. Well, that makes sense – I could certainly transition to that, if that’s what Amelia needs.
Change and Transition
In my work supporting leaders to navigate change in organisations I have often spoken about ‘change’ being the external act – the decision to go overseas, the leaving home, etc. in this situation. But then equally I bring focus onto the transition that change brings – that is the internal emotional changes that must happen through the cycle of emotions to arrive at acceptance. I could now see that clearly Amelia and I (and the whole family in fact) were in the midst of an important life transition.
‘Space’ Creates Insight
I’m not in the habit of always sharing personal stories on this blog however I share this story as a great example of the need to carve out pockets of space in our lives and/or moments to take a balcony perspective. Unless we do that, it can be difficult to see what is right under our nose.
Had I stayed in Melbourne this week, I would still be ‘holding on’, not seeing that it’s high time to let this gorgeous, creative, amazing, strong, self-focussed angel spread her wings.
Being a big fan of the healing power of ritual, right there by the river yesterday I carefully chose three healthy green gum leaves. As a I released them into the free-flowing water of the Ovens, from deep within the core of my being and surrounded with so much love I spoke these words:
“I choose to let you go.”
And I did.
Are you needing some space in your life right now to give yourself permission to do some inner processing? Schedule a conversation with Nicola to discuss how Leadership Coaching or our new Coaching Program – Cultivating Well for senior women can work for you or the people in your organisation.
In my next post I will explore why the practice of reflection is a leadership ‘super power’ and how to build it into your own leadership rhythm.
This post was orginally published in 2018