This post shares a personal story and suggests that every human being on the planet right now, in some shape or form, is facing into their own ‘growth edge’. It invites the reader to reflect on what they are noticing in themselves and others in terms of this personal learning and highlights that perhaps the luckiest people right now have leaders and organisations that are providing development and wellbeing support for their people.
Meet Elaine. She is my delightful 84-year-old mother-in law. Elaine left school at age 15 to help with home duties on the family farm and continued in that role all through motherhood and grandmother-hood.
In her lifetime, she has baked tonnes of lemon slice and the arguably the best chocolate cake ever. When she isn’t baking, she pours all her energy and focus into supporting her community and showering us – the family – with her love.
Throughout her lifetime, Elaine has felt no desire for, nor any reason to, use a computer or a smartphone. And so, in March 2020, as the world felt like it was closing in on all of us, we realised that that Elaine would soon be in total isolation. Without even the stilted connectedness the internet offers the rest of us, she would have very limited contact with her her family and friends, and we were concerned about the flow-on impact this would have on her overall wellbeing.
So, without further thought, we purchased her an iPad. In a curious way, one of the first questions she asked was, ‘Why is the keyboard not in alphabetical order?’ She had never used any sort of keyboard in her life, let alone an email address. How much we take for granted! This was completely uncharted territory for her.
The rest is history.
True to form, with her enthusiastic approach to a new challenge, she was up-and-running in no time. The pure delight we witnessed when Elaine had her whole family (across many geographical locations) in front of her on the first Facetime call is a precious moment that will stay in my heart forever.
If you had said to me six months ago that, in the year 2020, Elaine would be making Facetime calls, ordering her groceries and doing her banking online, I would have broken out in laughter!
But she was soon doing all of that. We are so proud of her.
Elaine’s story got me thinking about what the disruption of this year has meant to all of us in terms of the learning we have been somewhat forced to do or had to do in many ways. What became clear to me is that every human being on the planet right now has had to confront their own fear at some level and learn something new, or make some change that they would not have made without the pandemic.
No one is exempt. It has been, and continues to be, a true ‘growth edge’ experience for us all. (Read more about growth edge here)
Do you agree? Where have you noticed this happening?
What are you being asked to or forced to change at this time?
What is your personal growth edge right now?
Some examples from my own ‘growth edge backyard’ are:
- quickly getting up to speed and proficient at creating connection and engagement online so as to be able to effectively deliver team development via an online platform. Like many, I still really don’t like facilitating groups on Microsoft Teams, but at least I know how to do it.
- taming my voice in our family to allow each person an equal say in shaping the healthy boundaries needed for life in isolation in a household of five people (that is, learning to listen better and not assuming I always have the best answer)
- establishing a healthy and productive work rhythm by creating greater structure around my allocated working hours, which in my case means 90 minute cycles then taking a break (here is a great article on this topic).
Most clients that I am currently working with are struggling with many aspects of work and life – juggling home schooling, too many hours on Zoom and experiencing other financial and social pressures. It’s the norm rather than the exception right now.
What is being demanded of people by this pandemic in terms of growing and changing for many feels heavy and hard. I am also noticing, however, that the luckiest people during this time work in organisations and with leaders that recognise the need for, and are investing in, the wellbeing and development of their people. It is from this support base, that people can begin to make sense of themselves and their own experiences and begin to see some reward and celebration of their efforts on the other side.
The benefits flow on, as when this growth edge can be applied within a broader team context, it is even more powerful. As individuals grow and change and are able to be more vulnerable and courageous with themselves – as 84-year-old Elaine has demonstrated so well, and when they can do this with their teams as well, then team culture can grow in ways that are good for all.
Could you or your team do with support right now? Please get in touch to book your team development – delivered remotely of course.
This blog post introduces readers to a unique individual and team development experience – The Flow Game. The Flow Game gets to the heart of what needs to change in the way the team is operating and in doing so creates clarity, grows connection and grounds action. It is a powerful process for leadership and team evolution as it provides a much-needed space for reflection, expression and connection.
Where did the Flow Game originate?
The Flow Game (www.flowgame.net) has its origins in Denmark back in the 1990’s and is now being played across the globe for individuals and teams as a way of finding clarity together. There are eight stewards of the game across the globe, including three of the original founders (Vanguards) – Toke Paludan Møller, Monica Nissen and Jan Hein Nielsen.
I have been extremely fortunate to be a student of the Flow Game for several years now, and have reaped the rewards both personally and professionally that come with this practice. In 2019, I was formally accredited as a Flow Game host and this coincided with the release of the Team Deck of cards. Since then, the Flow Game has become an integral part of my leadership & team development toolkit.
Why you might ask?
Because quite simply put – The Flow Game surfaces what really needs to change (based on the collective question of the group), creates alignment and before people have even left the room many of the internal barriers to change are no longer there. A new lease of energy, connection and grounded action is available for the team. This is cultural change and leadership in action.
What is the Flow Game?
The Flow Game isn’t a conversational game as you might expect– it is more about reflecting and sharing and listening without the need to interrupt or judge or fix or justify or explain. The process helps us to slow down and fall into our true nature and helps us to learn a very different way of being together and interacting in a conscious way. From that place new awareness and insight is surfaced and the action that we need to take becomes clear. The flow game in its essence helps individuals, teams and groups to:
- Create clarity
- Grow connection (self, others & to vision, values purpose), and
- Define and agree action
- Create (desired) change
The Seven different perspectives in the flow game
1.Blue River of the EAST – Vision
The creative and visionary side of leadership and seeing the big picture
2.Yellow River of the SOUTH – Community
The ability to empathize, connect, inspire, engage, align and attune
3.Green River of the WEST – Action
The ability to bring vision into meaningful action and ‘get things done’
4.Red River of the NORTH (Red) – Courage
Having the courage to walk new paths, break new ground, lead the way
In addition to the four rivers – dimensions or directions of our personal leadership there are two more aspects to consider:
5. Above (Heaven) – heaven speaks to our highest aspirations and powers that are greater than we are.
6.Below (Earth) – earth below is our ground, the foundation we stand on. It gives us a sense of reality and demands our presence here and now.
7.My/Our Question/Intention –The focus or intention is formulated as a question, which sits in the centre of the game. Together we then explore and illuminate the intention/s from the other six perspectives of the game.
Source: www.flowgame.net
Three Versions
There are three different card decks that are used for different purposes:
- Personal,
- Team &
- Family/community
Within that context, there are multiple possibilities for the way the game can be played as it can be designed around an individual or group intention (question) or a combination of both.
As a flow host community, we are constantly evolving and exploring new ways to design and host the game for varying contexts and needs.
A Burning Question
The flow game is a process – and it’s a powerful one but it is important to note that it’s not the panacea for every presenting issue or challenge. The important thing is that the individual/s or team has a burning question that they are seeking clarity on and that the invitation to, and the design of the game is set up in a way that honors the people, the process and the situation/question.
The need and intent and the membership of the group first must be clear and we then design the game around that.
Different Applications
Three of the ways that The Flow game is currently being used in a business and community context are:
1. Team Development
When working with an intact team, a great place to start is with a shared/collective question or intention. This is where the Team Cards are used. This may progress to a round using the Personal Cards however in this context – a generic question would be applied for each member of the team. For example, “given what we now know about the team, what does that mean me? “would be applied generally. The design will of course depend on the need, intent and membership of the group.
2. Leadership Development
Depending on the need, intent and membership of the group (for example it is often easier to be vulnerable with people we don’t know than with people we do know) ,the flow game can be integrated into an existing Leadership Development Program at the start of the shared learning journey, midway during the experience or as a way of integrating and coming to closure and grounded action at the end of a Leadership Development Program. Team, Personal and Family/Community Cards can all be applied in this context.
In today’s hectic world at a time when it is so easy to fall into the trap of being overwhelmed by feelings of “busy and important”, the Flow Game offers the essential time required to reflect and do the important deep-thinking essential for conscious choice and action – Participant
3. Cultural Evolution
The flow game is a powerful way to create clarity and alignment at an individual and collective level and this is where it fits to support and enable cultural evolution. In one specific application, it is being used in the implementation of the cultural change journey. Stage 1 was one was about defining purpose, vision, values and strategy and stage 2 is about bringing that to life. The Flow game is being leveraged as part of the team and leadership development journey with the collective question: Given our overall direction, “What is our responsibility to bring this to life?. It is also being used with the leaders of this change to create clarity and alignment around leading this change.
How many people can play?
The flow game is typically played with 2-8 players – however that too can be flexible. For example, it can be utilized in an executive coaching session with one person all the way through to a conference with many people. It is possible to have multiple games being played concurrently and has been done with great success in many settings.
While there are many different applications of The Flow Game, the essence of what it delivers at both an individual and team level remains the same:
- Clarity
- Connection
- Action
- Change
It is from this place that we can live, lead and be together consciously and create healthy high-performing teams.
Evolving Leaders was established in 2014 with the purpose of evolving the consciousness of leaders to make the world a better place. The Flow Game is a powerful partner in this work. We are greatly indebted to the founders of the game and the international flow host community that continues to evolve this practice.
Interested in a Team Flow experience? Please get in touch.
This post includes our vision for the ‘human’ teams and organisations of the future that we need to be designing and creating right now to respond and flourish in a rapidly changing world. We call these ‘human organisations’. The post includes the characteristics of a human organisation to help you do a ‘mini-audit’ on the health of your own team/organisation.
“A culture in which everyone could overcome their own internal barriers to change and use errors and vulnerabilities as prime opportunities for personal and company growth.”
– Robert Kegan in Everyone Culture: Becoming a deliberately developmental organisation
Almost anyone who has worked in an organisation has experienced at least some of the aspects of disconnection that have become commonplace in workplaces everywhere. Too often businesses seem to lose sight of the fact that they are, at their core, the sum of the humans of which they are composed. There is ample evidence that this needs to change if businesses are serious about flourishing in the complexity of today’s world.
What is a human organisation?
Human organisations are ‘well’ organisations that are on a deliberate and focussed developmental and cultural evolutionary pathway towards full spectrum consciousness.
There are two central threads that are the woven foundations of a human organisation:
Connection – Connection to self, connection to each other, connection to purpose and vision and connection to the people they serve; and
Accountability – Accepting and embracing accountability to self, each other, the reality (role, team, goal, project, organisation) and holding self and others to account.
Human organisations exude a healthy vibrant culture in which people are inspired to bring out the best possible versions of themselves. In human organisations, people perform at their best without being coaxed or bribed to do so. Instead of reverting to immature behaviours of blame and justification when they come to work, they see themselves as well-rounded adults whose task is to make a meaningful contribution and to help others do likewise.
The result is far more significant contributions from many more people, and a lot less wasted time and emotional energy. The result is greater success in traditional business measures (e.g. profitability and customer satisfaction) as well as improved wellbeing, increased engagement and sustainable human potential.
What are the characteristics of a human organisation?
Some of the characteristics you’re likely to see in a human organisation include:
- Customers feel listened to and their needs are meet at a level beyond their expectations because employees deeply care and feel cared for and supported by the organisation.
- Leadership is less about position than it is about mindset and behaviour. Everyone in the organisation is capable of being recognised as a leader through the way they behave and the choices they make, through supporting others and taking personal responsibility rather than resorting to blame, justification and denial. No one is seen as a leader unless they demonstrate leadership in this way, regardless of their position or title.
- Purpose driven: there is a clear and central ‘why’ that is harvested and activated by the people for the people. It is a grounded source of energy and focus that clarifies, inspires and informs decisions, action and behaviour.
- People are motivated through feeling valued. There is an alignment between what matters to them, the work they do and the workplace culture.
- Connection – real, human connection – with courage and compassion are at the heart of everything that is done within the organisation and for those it serves. Get Connected
- People feel empowered to make choices. High levels of confidence, personal awareness, and accountability exist throughout the organisation.
- People are held to account – They know what is expected of them in their roles and how they ‘show up’ and there are efficient and effective practices and leadership capability to manage this effectively.
- People take responsibility for their own development in a culture of learning and growing.
- People feel a sense of belonging. It feels safe for people to fully show up as who they are and make a meaningful contribution with their unique skills, strengths and preferences. The workplace and its practices are diverse and inclusive and team members experience high levels of psychological safety which results in higher levels of team performance.
- People are highly engaged, feeling a greater sense of connection with their own sense of purpose, with their colleagues and as co-contributors to the organisation’s success in terms of profitability, wellbeing and benefit to the community.
- Internal divisions and turf wars are minimised. Shared values and purpose provide the framework for conversations, decision-making and behaviour. Strategy, culture, purpose and wellbeing are aligned.
- People listen to one another.
- Innovation and creativity are well understood, practised and regarded as ways the organisation can ‘separate itself from the crowd’.
- Reflective practices are woven into the fabric of the organisation. This may include specific mindful moments in meetings, the way performance conversations are had, allocated time and expectations for people to build reflective practice into their weekly rhythm.
- Time and space to think and learn are valued. The space is created to allow people to get to know each other and to reflect on the learning from projects and other experiences they encounter in their day to day. This becomes a part of the daily, weekly, monthly and annual rhythm.
You may like to pause and reflect for a moment here:
- What is the current state of health of your team or organisation?
- What are the strengths that you can build on?
- What areas do you need to bring greater focus to?
- What is one step you can take this week to get started?
Where it starts
Ignoring the need to make your organisation more human is to turn a blind eye to what we know requires a new level of response. It is no longer an option to stand still. The teams and organisations that will thrive and attract the best people are the ones that make the courageous and bold step to begin this developmental, leadership and cultural evolution journey.
However, it needs to be recognised that human organisations are not created overnight. They need to be imagined and designed ‘by the people, for the people’, then given the guidance, investment, nourishment and support they need to grow.
The shift towards a human organisation begins with bringing new awareness to the leadership team about the possibilities of becoming such an organisation. We help leaders to make the connection between the cycle of pain, dysfunction, cultural entropy and poor performance that they may be experiencing in their teams and organisations and bring focus to the antidote for this – which is intentionally growing and creating ‘human organisations’.
Initial steps often involve understanding the current stage of cultural maturity and the cultural evolution required for the team /organisation to evolve to a level of cultural maturity that will enable the business aspirations, measurement of the existing organisational culture, beginning the conversation around organisational purpose and vision and igniting the learning journey for leaders and their teams.
A key part of the learning here is about helping leaders to better understand the visible and invisible forces driving, engagement, wellbeing and performance in the organisational eco-system. A great basis for this conversation and to help build understanding of the organisation as a whole interconnected system is Ken Wilbur’s four quadrant model. It helps to bring a ‘whole of system’ focus and is a great basis for surfacing what is currently helping and what is hindering the organisation’s progress, ahead of then designing a roadmap for cultural and leadership evolution.
If all this sounds just too complex and difficult right now, may I offer one powerful snippet of wisdom:
Connection and Accountability are the golden threads that are woven throughout a human organisation.
In every moment – thought, action, word, decision – we have a choice. We can choose to move towards disconnection or we can choose to move toward connection. In that very action we are being accountable to ourselves, each other and our workplaces.
I choose to grow connection.
What do you choose?
In my next post, I will explore the personal leadership that is required to grow a human team/organisation.
The previous post involved a personal story that highlighted the shifts that can happen when we make space to reflect. This post builds on that example and explores other benefits of reflection, why the reflective practice is a leadership super power and how to build it as a practice into your own way of being.
Leaders whom I work with in a coaching capacity often comment that during our time together they experience a sense of space and an absence of judgement. They appreciate the chance to slow down and reflect. It’s from this place that clarity and insight become available resulting in better decisions, choices and outcomes.
To be truly conscious, awake and aware of both your inner landscape and the outer terrain of work and life requires a paradigm shift for leaders about the importance of something I believe is a leadership ‘super- power’: reflective practice.
I wish I could find a better term for it than ‘reflective practice’ – I know it sounds more like something that nuns would prescribe as a punishment at boarding school than a leadership super power. (Perhaps you can suggest a better name?)
Nevertheless, it’s the sentiment rather than the name that is important.
Reflective practice needs to become something that happens not just in a formal setting such as coaching. Rather, it needs to extend to become an integrated part of your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly modus operandi as a leader.
What is reflective practice?
Joseph A Raelin, in his article‘”I don’t have time to think” versus the art of reflective practice’,defines reflection as:
‘the practice of periodically stepping back to ponder the meaning of what has recently transpired to ourselves and to others in our immediate environment. It illuminates what the self and others have experienced, providing a basis for future action.’
How does reflective practice help?
As highlighted in the personal story in my previous post, often when we are in the middle of a situation, particularly a stressful one, we cannot maintain the perspective we need to be able to see the situation holistically. It’s only when we create the space and time to reflect that we are able to ‘step off the dance floor’ and get a broader ‘balcony’ perspective of what’s going on. The outcome? Insight, insight, insight. Insight about how you showed up effectively (or not so effectively). A greater capacity to see the perspective of others. The opportunity to identify what ‘triggers’ you and to explore why. The chance to bring light to a problem that may have felt impossible to solve, creating new options and a clear pathway forward.
Why does this matter? Because the consequence of not making time to reflect is quite possibly collateral damage to projects and relationships; damage that is inevitable when we operate completely in action and reaction.
Perhaps you can recall a specific example of where this may have happened to you? Or the opposite: can you think of a time when you did create the time and space to reflect on a challenge and experienced a positive outcome as a result?
What are the benefits?
Some of the benefits of reflective practice are:
- Seeing below the surface to reveal what really is happening. Reflective practice can make the invisible visible. For instance, it can bring to the surface a personal value that might be important to yourself or others and that might explain why a conversation/ outcome/ situation went in a particular direction.
- Restoring wellbeing:
- A simple shift from ‘doing’ constantly to taking space out to ‘be’ helps our nervous system to restore balance (Blog: Mastering thinking and doing AND feeling and being).
- A dose each of compassion and self-compassion will go a long way towards resolving something that doesn’t feel so good so that you can let it move through you (Blog: Are you being a good friend to yourself?)
- Reflective practice opens the opportunity for gratitude. Research has shown that the practice of gratitude has many positive benefits (https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/benefits-gratitude-research-questions/ )
- Connecting the dots. With reflective practice we may begin to see connections between behaviours, actions or situations that previously didn’t appear to be connected. For example, when I learned that one of the personal values of a colleague was ‘control’, I started to understand some of the ways she was behaving in our collaboration. I had previously I felt that her behaviour was out of character and not really serving our partnership. This provided an opportunity to open up the conversation. Connecting the dots can also happen within our own internal landscape. To share a personal example: understanding that the reason I was overprotective of my daughter stemmed from an experience in my past in which I didn’t feel safe.
- Insight, insight, insight. Reflective practice ignites learning about ourselves and the people and world around us. This is essential if we want to live and lead consciously and learn and grow.
- Strengthening connections: with ourselves – what matters to us at our core – and in our relationships with other people.
- Shifting you out of a reactive mindset to allow constructive ‘above the line’ responses. Reflective practice will make you less likely to react and add fuel to what might already be a difficult situation. You are more likely to ‘discharge the heat’ and approach the next conversation in a more open and constructive manner. ( If this concept is new to you – check out this 3 minute u-tube – it’s a concept well worth knowing)
One of the greatest leadership/life challenges is knowing who we are and what matters to us at our core while also not letting the busyness of life and a multitude of external distractions pull us away from that.
One thing is guaranteed: unless you deliberately and regularly carve out space to engage in reflective practice and take a balcony perspective, life will pull you off course from your centre – from who you are and what matters to you.
On the other hand, if you do build reflective practice into the rhythm of your life, the conversations might be tougher but the outcomes will be so much richer.
In my next post, I outline one of the big road blocks that many people experience in getting started with reflection and provide some tips and great questions to get you started.
This post explores the power of three simple words: ‘What nourishes you?’ I consider these words in the context of personal reflection, to deepen connection with one’s internal motivation for self-care. I also explore them with an application of symbol cards and as a conversation opener and shifter to a topic that matters and strengthens connection.
At a recent leadership conference themed around connection, we began with a conversation around this question: What nourishes you?
These three simple words quickly bypassed the minds and engaged the hearts of the group as people pondered and shared their responses. Feedback from the group indicated that they loved the question and were delighted at how it offered a fresh internal insight and perspective, taking conversation with their partner into new terrain.
The reaction of this group was the same as that I have seen with many individual leaders and teams who are asked the same question. Which raises a red flag. Why do we not ask ourselves this question? Why do we not ask it of each other?
If we are walking and leading in life without bringing attention to what nourishes us, how can we know what form of self-care is right for us on the path towards wellbeing? How can we know what needs to change?
These three little words – ‘What nourishes you?’ – are a great place to start with your personal enquiry, bringing greater focus to your own self-care.
A case study: the horse, the ocean and the mirror
I have been successfully using the ‘What nourishes you?’ question in different applications across a decade or more. I want to share an extended version of this application that deepens the individual’s inquiry.
During my training to become an art therapist, I worked with a 20-year-old client who had a history of anxiety and depression. She had spent many years under the care of psychologists and a psychiatrist. She wanted to try a different approach.
Through the use of symbol cards we explored ‘What nourishes you?’. Somewhat surprising to me at the time, it turned out that in over a decade or more of therapy this woman had never been asked a question filled with such possibility. Rather, she had found herself rehashing the problems of her life again and again.
“Symbols evoke profound emotions and memories, often without our making rational or conscious connections. They surround us and they help navigate through life, providing short cuts to understandings, ideas and feelings … the use of visual images can assist a client to get in touch with otherwise inaccessible personal realities” – www.innovativeresources.com
How does it work?
By asking ‘What nourishes you?’ and inviting a spontaneous selection of symbols as a response, we bypass the left logical brain (our verbal language centre) and instead access our right-brain intelligence. This is our creative side, so accessing it invites a deeper knowing – something from our unconscious self – to emerge.
I recall a beautiful moment when this young woman selected three symbol cards: the horse, the ocean and the mirror. She was still. Emotion rising. We sat there together in the magic of this moment. Something shifted within her inner experience and possibility. Life beckoned.
What began as a symbol exercise about ‘What nourishes you?’ turned into a deeper exploration and ultimately deep clarity and insight into how this young woman wanted to be in the world. Standing tall, centred and powerfully on her own feet like the horse; loving who she saw when she looked in the mirror and not shrinking when she met the world; and feeling free like she felt in the ocean.
This young lady experienced a connection with her internal navigation system and connected with how she wanted to be in the world. This was an unlocking of something previously locked so tight it was not available to her.
Application to learning and leadership development
While clearly this specific experience was within a therapeutic situation, I use symbol cards with project teams that are misaligned and off course and as a conversation starter, connector and to bypass mental chatter in leadership development. (NB. the actual question I ask will depend on the specific learning context, for example, in a recent leadership development program in which we were exploring change, the question was “What is Change?”, using the symbol cards to invite a deeper response to this question. Similarly, with project teams that are stuck – I might ask “How do you feel?”, which invites the individual’s experience of what is going right/wrong with the project to surface so that everyone’s voice is heard and the team can navigate next steps from an authentic place.)
This application of symbol cards – as an adjunct to coaching or team development – is broadly available and accessible to coaches and facilitators. I have included the link here to buy your own set of symbol cards if you feel inspired to give symbols a go.
What nourishes you? – getting started
Whether you are a coach, facilitator, leader or person wanting to build connection, I encourage you to ignite this conversation in your team, your family and as a conversation starter in any context:
- Start close in: ask yourself ‘What nourishes me?’; ‘Where is that in my life right now?’; ‘How much time and energy over the past week has been allocated for my own self-care?’; ‘What needs to change?’ Commit to one small step today that will take you a step closer on the path toward wellbeing in life and leadership.
- Ignite the conversation in your team and with the people closest to you in your life by asking the question often: ‘What nourishes you?’ or use the symbol card process to ignite another important question for example, “How do you feel”?
- Coach, therapist or facilitator? Consider incorporating symbol cards into your practice with the ‘What nourishes you?’ question and many more.
To commit to self-care is to value yourself, your relationships, your professional work. Self-care is a choice you make. It starts with you. These three little words – ‘What nourishes you?’ – are a great place to start with your personal inquiry and as a conversation opener and shifter to a topic that matters.
This post explores the importance of knowing and harnessing your personal values as a key navigation system in life and leadership.
Deep down inside what is important to you? What do you want your life to stand for? What sort of qualities do you want to cultivate as a person? How do you want to be in your relationship with others? What matters to you?
In every area of life we make decisions and choices based on what is important to us. This includes what we value as individuals as well as what we absorb of the spoken and unspoken expectations of the communities and organisations of which we are a part.
We are often unaware of the mix and interplay of values that motivate us to act, and that inform our decisions. In organisations, lists of values are more often statements of intent than accurate reflections of how things are really done. Even where the intent is genuine, the greater the gap between words and action the greater the perception of a lack of integrity, resulting in cynicism and disengagement.
Through the process of clarifying our core values – our heart’s deepest desires for how each of us wants to behave as a human being – and using those values to motivate, inspire and guide our ongoing actions, we grow as people and develop our capacity and capability as leaders.
Our bodies know when we act out of alignment from our values
Just as it is within a organisation, it’s critical that our actions are in concert with our core values. Aside from this being important for our integrity, often our bodies will react when we act out of alignment with our personal values. Perhaps you can recall a time when you have felt a pain in the chest or tightness in the belly in such a situation?
I recently coached a senior leader from the professional services sector with the specific brief of developing his capacity and capability to have courageous conversations. He was deeply aware that there was a conversation he needed to have with a member of his team – and should have had months ago – and that the longer he left it the more impact his lack of action was having on the broader team.
However, he felt ill equipped and fearful of having this conversation. He also felt that he was out of integrity with himself in not finding the courage to have it, and that this inner conflict was having a physical and behavioural affect on him.
Limiting values impact how we ‘show up’
As part of our coaching this leader completed a Personal Values Assessment and amongst his list of positive personal values, he had selected a limiting value of ‘being liked’. We explored this value and unpacked the impact that it was having on how he was leading his team overall and specifically with respect to this difficult conversation he had been putting off.
This leader had a good level of personal awareness and he was able to identify that his needing to ‘be liked’ probably stemmed from his childhood place in his family and the wider family dynamics. The power here was for him to see this value written on the page and to directly draw the link to see how the need to be liked was holding him back from having a difficult conversation. More broadly, this value was keeping him from becoming a better version of himself.
Through support and planning for this conversation, this leader was able to lean into his own discomfort (it hadn’t gone away – he just decided to acknowledge it and take action anyway). He had the conversation, and while it was difficult it was ultimately a great gift for both the leader and his team member.
This is an example of how when we want to change behaviour we need to look below the surface to our mindsets, beliefs and values and see what is actually driving our behaviours. From there we can create change.
This leader went a step further and embarked upon a personal values assessment for his direct reports along with a facilitated personal values learning and development session that included him sharing his own journey with the need to ‘be liked’. The group session allowed the team to began to look at the personal values they had in common as a way of building connection and focus and moving toward getting clearer on team values.
Values – based leadership keeps us centered and focused
“Values based leadership and values-based decision making allows us to throw away our rule books. When a group of people espouse an agreed set of values and understand which behaviours support those values, then you no longer need to rely on bureaucratic procedures setting out what people should or should not do in specific situations. All the rules reduce to one—live the values. People can work out for themselves what they need to do, and in so doing become responsible and accountable for their behaviours.” – Richard Barrett
The benefits of becoming a values-driven leader are:
- Leaders become conscious about what drives their decision making and can move towards values-based decision making – a key step in authentic leadership as it transcends personal beliefs.
- Leaders better understand who they are and what’s important to them and why they are motivated or inspired by some things and challenged by others.
- Leaders better understand their people and can design for and create a workplace that maximises engagement and fulfilment.
- Values provide a compass for leaders: a reference point to inform direction, guide how they engage and inspire their teams and how and why they make certain decisions.
Source: Adapted from work of Richard Barrett, Barrett Values Centre
Values have significant power to unite and energise people. Shared values can connect, where race, religion, politics and gender can divide. Becoming a values-driven leader means understanding what is important to you personally and collectively and being committed to acting on those values.
Interested in leveraging values to ignite growth in your organisation? At Evolving Leaders, we support you to unlock the power of values using the Barrett Values Centre Cultural Transformation Tools (CTT) to measure leadership and team values and culture through:
1. Executive Coaching: Leadership Values Assessment and Development
2. Team Culture Assessment and Development: measuring and managing your team’s culture using the Cultural Transformation Tools to surface the invisible factors driving performance and engagement to grow a psychologically safe team culture and strengthen team performance.
This article explores the (not-well-understood) fact that twenty percent of the population have a high sensitivity personality trait. It invites a call to action for leaders and diversity and inclusion practitioners to get on-board with this, and to help these people better understand themselves and to work alongside them to make changes to the work environment to serve individual well-being and to harness this untapped potential.
Last year I ran a particularly engaging and heart-opening workshop as part of a company’s diversity strategy. The workshop turned what was normally a very dour, windowless boardroom into a place infused with energy.
At the end of the day, after all the participants had left, I was still on a high from the experience when the managing director (who was very supportive of our work) popped into the room. He asked how the session went and I shared the excitement and outcomes of the day. I then said to him, ‘Can you feel the energy in the room?’
He looked at me with deep respect (knowing that I could in fact feel the energy in the room) and said, ‘No, Nicola. I can’t feel the energy in the room.’
We both paused and smiled. It was a moment of acknowledging diversity, in the true spirit of the workshop that had been just been held.
That day was a reminder for me of a gift that I have come to take for granted given that I live with it every day. The gift relates to my high sensitivity, which gives me access into so much of what remains invisible to many others.
I had long recognised my high sensitivity but didn’t really give it a name until I came across a book titled The Highly Sensitive Person by clinical psychologist and researcher Elaine N. Aron. My discovery of this book was one of those life changing moments. Reading it helped me to own more of who I am and to stand taller in the world, recognising that my need for self-care – including having time and space alone and avoiding caffeine (one coffee keeps me awake for 24 hours) – is as essential to me as eating, sleeping, and breathing.
20 per cent of the population are born with a highly sensitive personality trait
Highly sensitive herself, Elaine Aron has done years of research and has discovered that ‘sensory processing sensitivity’ is a personality trait that 15 to 20 per cent of the population are born with. Twenty per cent! This means that up to one fifth of the population (and therefore the workforce) has this gift.
What are the traits of a highly sensitive person?
Biologically, highly sensitive people (HSPs) are different to the rest of the population. Their minds work differently. HSPs react more to stimulation: they notice levels of stimulation that go unnoticed by others. They are more easily overwhelmed, need more down time and more time alone and are prone to illness when they ignore their HSP trait.
A common misunderstanding is that HSPs are all introverts, where in fact 30 per cent of all HSPs are extraverts. HSPs have access to what is known as the ‘sixth sense’, which gives access to intuition where they just ‘know’ what a particular outcome of a situation will be ahead of time. They will often know intuitively what decision to make without the need to process it logically or rationally.
Aron uses the acronym DOES to summarise the key facets of this trait:
D: depth of processing – a fundamental characteristic is that HSPs observe and reflect before they act.
“Like those machines that grade fruit by size, we (HSPs) sort the fruit into 10 sizes while others sort it into 2 or 3.” (page 7)
O: easily over stimulated – if you are going to pay more attention to everything, you are bound to tire sooner. Moderate arousal for the rest of the population equals high arousal for a HSP. High arousal for the rest of the population equates to overwhelm and can cause shut down for a highly sensitive person.
E: giving emphasis to our emotional reactions and having strong empathy which, amongst other things, helps us to connect with others, to notice and to learn.
S: sensitive to all the subtleties around them which is often what it most apparent to the HSP – the little things they notice that other miss.
Wondering if you are HSP?
You can do a self-test on Aron’s website based on her work. It will indicate whether you may have the high sensitivity trait. If you find that you could be, I would encourage you to reach out and get the support of a coach or therapist if you feel that would help you to integrate your new insights about yourself.
My intention for sharing
I wanted to share this brilliant work in the hope that if you too feel that you are different (in this highly sensitive way) to many of the people around you, that by understanding this trait you can more fully appreciate yourself. Celebrate your gifts and give yourself the self-care that you need to flourish. Read more about this trait and begin to help others to understand and appreciate your sensitivities. If you are a leader, parent, spouse, or friend of someone who is highly sensitive, the resources can be tools for you too, helping you to start a different conversation and to invite a new level of appreciation and respect.
The implications for diversity and inclusion, leadership and organisations
Aron’s work has got me thinking about HSPs and the need for organisations to bring focus to this area as part of their diversity and inclusion agenda. This is clearly a diversity and inclusion issue and an opportunity for leaders to bring to the surface the gifts and needs of this currently unidentified group of people that make up 20 per cent of the population.
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Interested in a presentation on this topic for leaders in your organisation? Contact Nicola
There was a period in my life when I found myself in a state of overwhelm – the type of overwhelm that everyone else can see except the person being overwhelmed (i.e. myself). I wouldn’t recognise it until some time later. During this time, a leadership coach introduced me to the concept of ‘mental real estate’. It was a classic ‘light bulb’ moment.
Our mental real estate is the capacity we have to hold onto, manage and navigate everything in our lives. Our work, our relationships, our family. Our day-to-day responsibilities in the many roles that each of us have: leader, partner, parent, sibling, child, friend, colleague etc. Perhaps our community work or volunteer work at school or elsewhere.
Mental real estate is not an infinite resource
The thing about mental real estate is that it’s not an infinite resource. The amount each of us has is finite.
Just like ‘real’ real estate, mental real estate has boundaries that can’t be expanded. The more we commit to extra things in our lives – the more we say ‘yes’ to every request or offer – the more our mind starts to push up against those boundaries.
Eventually it becomes like overpacking a suitcase and then still trying to get more in: something has to give. This is where we are over committed.
The impact of this situation will be familiar to many leaders and other busy people. We start to lose focus on the things that really matter to us. We get locked into ‘thinking and doing’; we lose the ability to ‘feel and be’. We become overwhelmed, as I was. Stuck on a treadmill, we become overly stressed – certainly stressed beyond a healthy level – and start making poor decisions. This diminishes our wellbeing and starts to affect our happiness, relationships and overall performance.
It’s important to realise that, just like the real estate we live in, a lot of what is crowding our minds in these situations is clutter we don’t really need. As many as 80 per cent of the thoughts we have each day can be unhelpful in the sense that they aren’t moving us toward the life we want to lead. All this mental clutter gets in the way of our ability to thinking clearly and making good decisions and can lead to unnecessary overwhelm. Reserving as much mental real estate as you can for the stuff that actually matters is the key here.
Take a moment to reflect on your own mental real estate
I invite you to take a moment to reflect on the three things that matter most to you in your life: the things that make you feel full, happy and satisfied.
Now ‘zoom out’ to take in everything that you have on your plate right now. All the tasks and roles that you are (or feel) responsible for right now.
Is there an alignment? Is the stuff that is keeping you busy, and therefore occupying most of your mental real estate, contributing to those things that are most important to you? Are you making a concerted effort to ensure that some of your mental real estate is reserved for those important aspects of your life?
Or is this exercise simply too hard due to your mental real estate being overcrowded?
What do you notice?
Does something need to change?
When I did this exercise some years back, I noticed that I the things that my focus was definitely no on those things that mattered the most to me. They were struggling for a place in my mental real estate, and as a result I had little clarity of thought and was making poor decisions. To help get me back on track, I called upon a personal values assessment.
Taking the time to explore your personal values and beliefs is a great way to get started on an ‘audit’ of your mental real estate. This process can guide you back to what is most important to you, and from that place you will be better equipped to make conscious choices about what needs to be let go of to clear a bit of space in your mental real estate.
You also might like to consider the completion of a Global Leadership Wellbeing Survey (GLWS). This survey will help you understand your state of wellbeing at work and at home. It will help check in on your available mental real estate. The survey is supported through a debrief and development conversation to help you ‘tidy up’ your mental real estate, establish a sustainable self-care rhythm and show up as a better version of you.
Our mental real estate is a precious commodity. Do what you can to keep yours tidy, ordered and not too cluttered.