It’s been a while since I put pen to paper and shared new material. The reality is that I have been moving slowly and quietly in the background working with great clients delivering leadership development programs. I have also been allowing myself space and time for self-care and reset.
During lockdown of 20/21 I drafted a book on self-leadership. I am so glad that I did. At the time, I was rushing to publish it – ‘willing it’ across the line – driven perhaps by the ego part of self that wanted to be an ‘author’ and feeling like that was the next step on my professional journey.
A trusted confidante, at the time, gave me feedback that was hard to hear at the time- the book wasn’t there yet – it needed simplifying. I was shattered- it had been such a labour of love for many months and this wasn’t what the outcome that the ego part of self wanted.
Fortunately, within a few days, I was able to see what a gift this ‘pause’ in the process was. What became clear to me was that not only was there more work to be done on the writing side, but that in my mission to get it published and out into the world, I was not practicing or embodying the very messages that were the foundation of this book on self-leadership. The book needed to pause and most importantly I needed to pause.
Eighteen months or so later, I am so grateful to have put these 40,000 words or so on paper. It has enabled me to capture and share many aspects of my own self leadership journey which by its very nature has been insightful and healing. At a professional level, the writing process has enabled much of my own sense making about self-leadership and positively informs my coaching and leadership development practice.
At this stage, I have no intention of publishing the book. I have decided however, that it doesn’t need to be in a book format for me to share aspects of it with you. So, over the coming weeks and months that’s exactly what I will be doing – sharing excerpts from the book in a series of weekly posts.
In the Self Leadership Series- Part 1, I will share where my own self-leadership journey began and the sense making that I have made along the way about self-leadership. We will look at what self-leadership is, why it matters and introduce the three keys that can be used as a guide to bring greater levels of consciousness to our own self-leadership practice.
I hope you can join me!
With love and gratitude,
Nicola x
This post introduces a short process to help you check -in on the health of your relationships so that you can bring back to sharp focus the people and relationships that matter most to you in your life and leadership.
In an earlier post I introduced this idea of how we need to be intentional in how we allocate our ‘mental real estate’ as it a finite and not infinite resource that we must use wisely. Amongst all of the competing demands, sometimes life bolts forward without us. When this happens we can lose focus of the relationships and people in our lives that matter most. Perhaps you can relate to this in your own life?
Part of self-leadership involves us slowing down enough to notice this has happened – and to intentionally check in on the ‘health’ of our relationships so that we can get clear on what needs to change to grow connection.
I want to share with you a process that I use in leadership workshops. It is designed to help you bring focussed attention to acknowledging and better understanding the health of your key relationships. Taking time to do this can be a powerful way of being a little more strategic on where to invest your precious time and effort, and to therefore better allocate your ‘mental real estate’. It can help you to cut out some of the noise and distractions and re-align your efforts to the things and people in your life that matter most.
I invite you to bring your own life circumstances and relationships into the arena here. Take out your notebook and complete the following short process:
1. Select 5-10 key relationships – can be a mix of work/home/other – key is that the relationships that are important for you in your work and life –and that they are ones that you are willing to intentionally focus on to grow and strengthen.
2. Rate the current ‘health’ of each relationship – based on your assessment of the level of trust ( a topic that we have not specifically covered here but one that I am sure you have a good sense of) that exists between you and the overall quality of each of these relationships (in terms of the level of health, transparency, openness and any other factor that you consider as important in your relationships). Allocate a current health rating if between 1 (a disaster) and 10 (couldn’t get any better) to each of the relationships.
3. Set aspirational target for each relationship – goal is not to get each relationship to 10 but determine where you would like/ and or need that relationship to be and a part of that will be factoring in which relationships are the most important to you.
NB. This is like your secret plan – it’s not something you would of course share with the people on here – it is about focusing your energy and attention and being intentional about the relationships that you want to grow.
4. Identify one specific action you will take to grow connection in each of these relationships and commit to a plan to make that happen.
What do you notice? How do you feel?
This exercise may bring up all sorts of things for you. Often people experience a gap between where they thought the ‘health’ of a key relationship was and where they find it actually is.This is not unusual when we move from autopilot to bringing focussed attention.
For one client what he realised is that he had been putting so much every and effort into a particular relationship and that it was not being reciprocated at all. He made a choice as part of this insight to back- off on this relationship and reallocate some of that energy and effort elsewhere.
Another client said she felt sick when she realised what she termed – ‘the sad health state’ of her relationships and felt a compelling need to bring greater energy and focus into immediately rectifying this situation. We explored the broader context around this situation which was connected to the leader being in a job that she was finding to consuming and her struggles with wellbeing. So for this leader, this self-discovery process left her considering what was enabling her and what was limiting her in terms of her current reality more broadly.
Through taking the time to bring awareness to the current ‘health’ of our relationships and connecting with how we would like this relationship to be, we are well positioned to take appropriate action to grow connection and to make better decisions and choices about our lives and leadership.
Wishing you happy, connected and healthy relationships. Please reach out if I can help in any way.
Well, while it;s fair to say that 2020 has been nothing like any of us anticipated, one of the gifts for many was finding ourselves with a little more time and space on our hands.
What was the favourite thing you created this year?
Well for me there were two things: The expanded vegetable patch to now include passionfruit, kiwi fruit and more silver beet and celery than the kids would ideally like; and, the writing of a little book about what I’ve discovered about self- leadership derived from over a decade of personal and professional learning and practice.
As it turns out – both creative projects continue to be works in progress – as I battle with the birds and the possums and slugs, while also enjoying the flowers on the strawberries and tomatoes in the vegetable patch; and, simultaneously re-shaping and renaming of my little book – thanks to a dear friend and colleague who helped me to see a better way forward. I am forever indebted to the creative process with its insights and blocks and lumps and bumps until clarity finally beckons!
I can’t wait to share my little book with you in 2021.
What is clear to you now?
One of the gifts that can also come from tough times, is that we get clearer on what matters to us most and if we listen to that we can make more conscious choices about where we want to put our precious time and energy. Does that resonate for you in any way from your experience of 2020?
During this year, for me, it became even more apparent that we all have a responsibility to listen to that little voice inside of us that is saying ‘something needs to change’; to explore and connect with self around this ‘invitation’; and to take conscious action. Rinse, repeat. This is the practice of self-leadership.
Some of what I have also ‘crystalized’ this year about self-leadership is that;
– We are responsible for our own evolution and growth. Period.
– Learning about ourselves and growing our effectiveness as leaders is a lifelong process that takes focus, commitment, and a clear intention.
– Unless we carve out space to do our own personal learning, life will continue to drive us rather than enabling us to shape our own reality.
Building on all of that, what is super clear to me now is that the number 1 focus of my work in 2021 is bringing The Practice of Self-Leadership to a wider audience. This is work that we all have to do – irrespective of whether we are in a leadership role or not.
The Practice of Self Leadership will be made available to a wider audience in 2021 through:
– 6-month individual coaching programs commencing in February 2021 (I’m opening up six new places only – get in touch soon if one of those is for you),
– Self as Leader – Leadership Development Program – (in house) Continuing to facilitate our 3-month core leadership program
– Self as Leader – Leadership Development Program – (public program) – Dates for 2021 will be posted soon (via remote learning)
The good thing is that it wherever you are in the country (or in the world) The Practice of Self-Leadership – individual coaching and leadership development program can come to you. Please get in touch to register your interest or to find out more.
A moment to pause…
Conscious leadership is not possible without carving out – literally quarantining space to reflect, reset and do our self-work and there is no better time to do this than at the end of this year of 2020! So grab a piece of paper (or audio or video record it on your phone if that’s your thing) and take a few moments to reflect on these questions:
Fill in the blank: This year, I feel proud of myself because ___________.
Which six ‘feeling’ words describe your experience of 2020?
What was the favourite thing you created this year? (a project, a fabulous meal, a garden, space for you….)
Can you remember a time in 2020 when you thought you couldn’t do something (“This is too hard, I’m overwhelmed, I can’t do this”), but then you surprised yourself and you did it?
What is something you want to leave behind in 2020 and not carry into 2021?
What’s your intention for the festive /holiday season? (I wish to experience…….)
Take a big breath out …. you deserve it
A special thanks to the wonderful leaders I have had the privilege of supporting in 2020. It’s been a massive year. To those of you in the world still in the thick of the pandemic sending love and healing to you.
To my fellow Victorians well done – we did it. Sending love and light for the festive season wherever you are.
See you in 2021.
With love
Nicola x